Today John decided that we all needed to have a toast to family. We all got our favorite "juice" as I like to call it, he included, he had blackberry wine. Why not, it's not the drink that's going to kill him. We raised our glasses to family and to John, and we drank to the life that he lived.
He is holding on like no one I have ever known. I have had many family members die, some quick and some not so quick. But the thing that makes John stand out is that when most people who are dying and are this close usually are not awake. He is lucid, he tells jokes, he cries, he laughs, he loves. His body is quitting on him. His legs are swollen, his sides are swollen yet his shoulders and hands and arms are no more than skin literally stretched over bone. His skin is peeling and his mouth is so dry his tongue is swelling. Yet he holds on, he keeps saying he probably won't be here much longer, but he is here and Steve and his sister and his mom have spent nearly 36 hours awake just being with him and taking care of him. He has been able to tell everyone how much he loves them and that is a gift we will take.
It won't be much longer and he will be gone. He is more courageous than any of us knew, not letting go because it would be easier than the suffering, but holding on because he still has so much left to give.